Collab One Shots: Carina
by Igrayne01
Summary: After the events of Collaborative: Everything Burns, Carina does some soul-searching during her time away from the Jedi.


**Disclaimer: This one-shot was written by Clover on the Carth Community. Credit goes to her.**

The only thing more difficult than having forgotten was being able to remember. Memory was a powerful thing, capable of capturing a single moment in time forever and ingraining it within one's mind as long as they lived. It wasn't something one could control—to remember came as natural as breathing to every sentient, but to forget...Now, that was the _real_ trick. To lose a memory was as close as one could get to losing a part of themselves but still retain their existence; that moment in time, that uttered phrase, that gentle caress...gone in the blink of an eye. It was not humanity's place to decide what was and what wasn't remembered, what was and what wasn't sacred enough to keep within the shelters of the mind, what had and what hadn't happened.

Yet, forces had conspired against the lone woman to rid her of the very memories that had made her who she was. In the same amount of time it had taken to gain a new memory, she had lost them all. A sense of self-awareness had been all that she was left with—both her purpose and life having been wiped away as dirt to a rag. But then, that was all they were in the end, weren't they? Just ash to be swept away with the winds of change, helpless to slow down their path or direct their course. And once one was able to grasp this realization, then what did they live for? If their fate was already divined by some greater power, then did anything they do truly make any sort of a difference? Was all anyone could look forward to some unknown, yet inevitable destination?

These questions and so many more filled Carina's conscious mind like sand through a sieve, clogging her thoughts and tormenting her waking moments. While her memories had gradually begun to return to her, there were still pieces of her life missing. It was nothing short of unsettling to try and recall and event that one knew took place only to grasp at nothing. Often Carina felt like a drowning woman within her own mind, struggling to grab the rope that would pull her to shore and stability. Sometimes, the more she fought to remember, the less memories she could recall. There were parts of her lost to the depths of her wounded consciousness; she couldn't help but wonder if they were gone for good. If the old Carina would forever be lost to the cruel tides of fate that had dragged her to the depths of darkness.

On the other hand, perhaps there was a reason she couldn't remember. Perhaps this was Fate's gentle way of giving her a second chance. Carina could remember every mistake that she'd ever made, right down to the smallest one; yet, she could not recall all the joyous occasions in her life. Surely there was some meaning to this quandary. Maybe it was a safeguard to keep her away from returning to that life—to show her that there wasn't anything back there to return to, only suffering. Remembering her mistakes allowed her the foresight to avoid making them again. Which, in turn, was molding her into the woman that she should have been long ago had she not strayed so drastically from the path of righteousness.

There was only the future to look forward to now. The past was done, having become nothing more than appendixes in the book of her history. The present held many inconsistencies and troubles, plenty for the young woman to face and overcome without concerning herself with her shady past in addition. If she would ever redeem herself as she felt that she'd yet to do, it would require a complete relinquishment of her dark past and a vehement embracing of her potential future. Without acknowledging who she'd _been_, she could never be who she _was_.

In part, that was why she had come here—to New Holstice. She had begun making peace with the Galaxy for her past crimes some time ago, but this was where she would make peace with _herself_. What she desired, what she _needed_, was more than paying mere restitution to everyone else; she needed to find atonement within herself. Only then did she feel that she could move forward with her life, grow and live and _thrive_. And, who knew? Maybe even love...if _he_ was willing to give her the chance once more. If she even _deserved_ that chance after all of this was seen to a conclusion. The future was always in motion but it would be her present actions that dictated the outcome of that elusive and fickle future.

This place, New Holstice, it was unlike any in the Galaxy. But that wasn't for the planet's climate or its scarce inhabitants or any sort of typical reason; rather, the importance of New Holstice rested with a single location upon its calm, temperate surface. The significance lay with a small, isolated Jedi memorial that had been built in remembrance of all the fallen Jedi since the beginning of the formation of the Republic. It was a sacred place where few had ever tread, regarded highly by the Jedi and those who appreciated them. Today, here and now, that was Carina's destination. And it was where she would begin to revisit her past and make peace with all that she had done, all that had happened.

Night had fallen in a dark blanket dotted with shimmering stars over the planet as Carina neared the Jedi memorial. Following the path that had been walked by Jedi before her, the former Jedi and ex-Sith Lord could not help but see the symbolism in it. Did those Jedi struggle with themselves and the galaxy as much as she had? Did they hurt like she had—like she _did_? Had they loved like she had—like she _might_? Could they have understood her like no one else had—like no one else _wanted_ to? Again, her thoughts turned decidedly taciturn as no answers to her mental questions cropped up. How she longed for someone else to explain all that kept her in a state of constant confusion...but longing was counterproductive to what she was hoping to achieve her. Longing and desire are what had brought her to this place in the first place, albeit in a very difficult and roundabout way.

It did not take her long to reach the memorial, for which she was grateful. It had not been an easy decision to come here...She had given it an inordinate amount of thought. In the end, however, she had decided that it was the right thing to do. That she owed it to more than just herself; it would have been doing the memories of those she loved a disservice if she had not come.

Up ahead, as she approached, the pillar of blue light cut through the darkness of the night, glowing brilliantly and with a gentle power. Carina could merely stare in awe for a few moments at the sheer magnificence of the memorial. The Force was so _alive_ in this place and it humbled her as she stood before the monument. The Memory Moths, little peculiar creatures that echoed whatever name was whispered to them for all eternity, hummed about the monument, dancing in the ethereal glow with simplistic beauty. The whispers of all the fallen Jedi reached Carina's ears and brought up a well of emotion from the depths of her hurting heart. The Jedi might have been gone, but this memorial guaranteed that they would never be forgotten.

Breaking the trance that had fallen over her, Carina approached one of the bushes nearby and captured several small Memory Moths. One by one, she whispered the names of those that she'd loved so dearly—those that were now one with the Force and, she hoped, at peace there. First, her family: Phin, Serena, Adan, Kirsta. And then her beloved Jedi master: Kavar. _Ashes to ashes,_ she thought, sad.

Then closing her eyes and listening to the names as they were echoed back at her, she released the moths into the great monument. Now her family and Kavar would never be forgotten, their lives would always be remembered for what they were, for the goodness in them. As soon as the moths left her hand, she felt an overwhelming sadness along with relief. It felt as though a burden had been lifted from her shoulders, that she had gained some sort of _freedom_ from this act. A peace settled within her, warming her. For a moment, she could imagine being embraced by the spirits of her deceased loved ones and it comforted her.

_Forgiveness_. That was what it was...She felt forgiven. It wasn't easy to describe, but there it was. Somehow, the bridge between mortality and immortality had been crossed, and the message was clear. There could be no more hate or anger or remorse between her and those that had passed on to the next life; there could only be acceptance and forgiveness. _There is no death; there is the Force_. Now, she understood what the Jedi had been trying to teach her all those years ago. She had heard then, but had not listened. It had taken such calamity and trouble to open her eyes and ears to the truth. A shame, to be certain, but nothing short of effective.

And then she wept.

Falling to her knees with the weight of all she'd endured, Carina cried. It was not tears of sadness being shed for once, however, only tears of understanding. It all made sense now; what had happened and what she had done. Why it had happened to _her_. Everything had come together to lead her to this place, the epitaph of the Jedi. This place was more than just a place for remembering the dead, it was a place for celebrating those that lived as well. To recognize that the Jedi's sacrifices extended beyond the veil of mortality, past the drawn curtain. What they did then had helped create the Galaxy now as everyone knew it...Just as what she had done had molded her into the woman she was today.

Every action has consequences. Wasn't that one of the first things that the Jedi had taught her? How ironic that the truth behind those words was only being revealed to Carina on this day. Sometimes, she supposed, it took great strife and suffering to realize the error of one's ways. Through the light and dark, she had passed through both, Carina felt that she had taken away a greater understanding of each. It went beyond simple good and evil; even good actions have bad consequences, and evil actions have good repercussions. The Galaxy was so much more complicated than she'd first suspected...and she still had a lot to learn.

Returning to her feet, she knew it was time to leave.

"Goodbye," she whispered to no one.

She turned away from the monument of light.

"_Goodbye_," a Memory Moth nearby whispered back.

----------------------------

There were certain ironies that Mical could not help but be aware of during his stay on Coruscant. The first was this: he had come full circle. Having begun his life on this planet, the doctor had eventually left it to face the perils of the Galaxy, completely unprepared for what those trials would be. What he had gone through in his time away from his birth planet had changed him considerably, but one probably wouldn't guess it by his youthful exterior. If one took the time to speak with, however, they would know. Experience and heartache encompassed the man's demeanor like a second skin, one in which he did not wear nearly so well. More to the point, even through all that'd he'd gone through, he had ultimately ended up right where he'd begun...and he wasn't sure whether he was thankful for that or not.

The second irony was how close he was to the Jedi and, yet, how far away from them he was at the same time. From his apartment window, he could see the Jedi Temple in all its reinstated glory. The Jedi had managed to fix it up proper in the recent years since the Mandalorian Wars. It looked every bit as magnificent as Mical remembered it to be, if not a little...solemn. When he looked at it, he was reminded of all that had passed between himself and the Jedi Order—most of it not being the fondest memories that he had. The relationship between the doctor and the Order had been one fraught with difficulties, most arisen from certain disagreements on one particular subject.

Which brought him to the third and most important irony of all: the fact that he missed _her_. After everything that had been said and done, against all his expectations, Mical still missed Carina. They had parted on decent enough terms, but then again they hadn't exactly had much of a relationship left at that point. Through both their actions, a gap had grown between them and they might as well have been parsecs apart for the distance between them had been just as poignant. The stipulations of their "break" were still not entirely clear to Mical, and when he'd departed from her, he had left with the knowledge that it was a distinct possibility that they would never see each other again. And, at the time, he'd felt as if that was best.

Now...now, he wasn't so sure.

About _any_thing, really.

The prim doctor had been granted a considerable amount of time to reflect upon his past, the choice and decisions and whether they had been the right ones. At the time, he could not deny that he felt that they'd been right; it wasn't as if he'd gone out of his way to screw up his own life, after all. But in retrospect, some of things that he'd done were not actions he would have repeated. There were so many points along his timeline in which he wished he could change, but meeting Carina, he finally had realized, was not one that he would have. Even after all the hurt he'd endured at her hands, in the end, he would do it all over again. That in and of itself was very revealing to him about the nature of his feelings for the woman...but he did not like to dwell on it. _Especially_ if he was never going to see her again.

Mical had not become as good of a doctor as he was without being able to compartmentalize his problems. Right now, he was not with Carina or the Jedi, he was at the clinic doing what he did best—helping people. Perhaps he was not able to help himself, but that inability did not extend to others. Being a doctor was really all he had left, it gave him purpose and his life some sort of meaning. It wasn't much, but it was something; which was far better than that state—or rather slump as it was—of _nothing_ that he'd been in prior. There was so much suffering and pain in the Galaxy, if he focused on trying to heal it, then he could ignore his own...Or, that was the plan anyway. But, as the saying went, even the best laid plans...

"There. That should do it," the doctor said, placing a small bandage on the boy's arm.

"See? That wasn't so bad, was it?" piped in the boy's mother.

The boy poked his shoulder where the bandage covered the spot in which he'd just received the shot, as if testing it for any sort of residual pain. Naturally, there was none and the boy shook his head.

"You were right."

The mother seemed to expect that answer and she sniffed. "Of course I am. Now let's go." Like most Coruscanti, the mother and son obviously had somewhere to be at a certain time. Busy, busy, busy—that was Coruscant for you.

They were out the door before Mical could even bid them a farewell. He wasn't offended though as it was a common occurrence, especially for one who worked clinic duty. Most self-respected doctors rarely worked the clinic except for when they were absolutely required to. But Mical had never minded all that much—helping was helping, no matter how trivial the matter was. Routine vaccinations had to be administered, after all, someone had to do it or everyone would start getting sick. The Galaxy had enough on its proverbial plate without adding an epidemic to it. And in his mind, every little bit helped to ease the overall suffering in the Galaxy.

Not to mention all the trauma that he'd recently gone through himself. It wouldn't hurt to start out slow and ease himself back into the fold. The last thing he wanted to after dealing with death was return to performing high-risk surgeries; in all honesty, he didn't feel as though he was ready for that just yet. It wouldn't do anyone any good, especially himself, to go and burn out so quickly. Right now, he was content with simple pediatrics and clinic duty. The former was especially helpful as it reminded him of the remaining innocence in the Galaxy. Mical had seen some of the darkest places and people that the Galaxy had to offer—it was about time he saw some of the good, as well.

"Slow day," offered the receptionist as he entered the waiting room.

"So it would seem," he replied. He found the languid progress of the day calming, to be honest. It was a welcome change from his previous hectic routine. He'd take a boring day in the clinic over being pursued by the forces of evil any day. Well..._most_ days. After all, even Mical needed a little excitement every now and then, too.

With nothing better to do (he'd already reorganized the shelves at least twice during his idle hours), Mical took a seat and began to flip through one of the magazines that had been strewn out across the coffee table. The receptionist, a young red-haired woman with dark-rimmed glasses looked over the counter towards him, obviously trying to come up with some sort of conversation to bridge the silence. Just as she'd figured out something to say, Mical noticed something of interest in one of the news magazines.

"Have you heard about this, Diane?" he asked, looking up at her.

Diane gave a nervous smile in reply. "Heard about what?"

He stood, bringing the magazine with him to show her. "Here. It appears that Kevan Sir'takk is running for Senator of Iridonia."

"Do you know him?"

"I worked with him for a time, yes."

Seeing the familiar Zabrak was a remarkable blast from the past. Further proof that he'd never escape those days and the people in them. It was good then that he'd mostly come to terms with all that had happened, found acceptance for it all. Otherwise, he'd have been fairly unhappy and depressed always fighting his past demons. Having already confronted and dealt with them, he was in the clear for the most part.

"Good for him," he said, more to himself than to the receptionist. It was good to see that at least one of them were moving on with their life, making something of it.

Just then, the phone rang and Diane scrambled to pick it up. "Hello? Yes, he is. It's for you, Doctor." She handed Mical the phone, but did not give further details on who was calling.

"This is Doctor Disciple," he replied, professional.

For a moment, there was only the sound of bustling chaos in the background before a voice finally began speaking. "Heard you're having a slow day, Mical. Think you could sacrifice some rest and relaxation and come lend us a hand in the ER?"

Mical immediately recognized the other doctor's voice as belonging to one of his medical colleagues, Doctor Addum Tandra, though the Twi'lek doctor primarily went by the nickname "Add" for both obvious and not so obvious reasons. Mical had not yet pieced together the not so obvious reasons but he had his suspicions. The blonde man had met the blue Twi'lek upon his return from infamy back into regular civilian life; it had been Addum whom had suggested that he take up pediatrics...a good suggestion, to be sure. Now he was obviously swamped in emergency, which was why he was giving his fellow doctor a call.

"We're swamped over here thanks to a pretty nice pileup on the 408 downtown," Addum continued lightly, as if was no big deal. The sound of a siren permeated the other line and Mical had to wait a moment to be able to hear the other doctor again. "Anyway, we could really use your help."

"Of course," Mical replied, not giving a second's hesitation. He'd help where he was needed. "It would be my pleasure."

---------------------------

"You know, if I didn't know any better I'd say that you were following me." Carina gave her friend a suspicious look before erupting into easy laughter.

Igrayne joined her after a moment. "The Force works in mysterious ways!"

The emerald-eyed woman's face melted into a warm, albeit teasing smile. "I won't argue with that...But you could have just told me that you missed me, you know."

"You caught me," the other woman said, offering her hands in a show of nothing-up-my-sleeves. "I missed you."

"See? Was that so hard?"

Igrayne nudged her playfully and Carina simply giggled in reply, content with the moment. She'd never thought it'd be possible to return to the Jedi and, furthermore, be happy in doing so. The transition had been remarkably smooth, however, made even more so by her relationship with her good friend. Igrayne may have had her own troubles with the Jedi just as Carina had, but she also belonged with the Order just as Carina did. The difference would come down to the choices they made this time around, but Carina was faithful in her belief that they'd both make it this time. For this time, they had something that they hadn't had before—each other.

"You know," said Igrayne, interrupting the companionable silence that had fallen between them as they walked the majestic halls of the Jedi Temple. "You've been back for almost two weeks now and I haven't heard about any of your exploits from when you were on sabbatical."

Carina groaned. "Not you, too. I get enough questions from the Masters about it."

"Oh, c'mon, you can tell me. Last time I checked, I didn't have wrinkles and an over-inflated view of myself."

That particular description amused Carina but she shook her head. "Can't I keep some level of anonymity?"

"No."

"Fine."

Igrayne smirked, triumphant. What Carina didn't know was that her friend was actually _working_ for the Jedi Council and would be forced to share with them what Carina told her about her time during sabbatical. It couldn't be considered a betrayal though, since Igrayne wouldn't share anything that would hurt her friend's chance of remaining a Jedi. After all, if Carina left...well, Igrayne wouldn't have anyone left, really.

"If you're waiting to hear about all the exciting things I did," Carina began. "Don't hold your breath."

Mischief twinkled in the ebony-haired woman's eyes. "Oh, whatever! Don't try and downplay your adventures."

"Really! I visited some places, did some things, talked to some people...That was it."

"You're going to have to give me more than that!" Igrayne pressed. "What places did you go to?"

She paused, thinking. "Let's see...off the top of my head? New Holstice, Bpfassh, Sluis Van, Ord Mantell, Myrkr, Onderon, and then back here to Coruscant."

"Geez!" Igrayne exclaimed. "Go to many planets?"

"Yeah, well...I may have visited a few more than that."

By her reluctance to tell, Igrayne's curiosity was even more piqued. "Okay, spill."

Carina gave her friend a cheeky grin. "Zeltros had quite the reputation..."

Igrayne gave her friend a look of mock horror. "You didn't!"

"I was curious!"

"Do I even want to know?"

"Do you?" Carina's grin turned decidedly wicked.

The other Jedi laughed. "Well, yes! Now I do!"

"Sorry to disappoint, but it's not nearly as interesting a story as you're probably thinking," Carina said. "The planet's residents are really...let's say _hospitable_. But there's more to do there than just...erm, _stay indoors_. I visited a few amusement parks, saw a few shows, and that's about it."

"How anti-climactic!" Igrayne teased.

"I know, I'm boring."

Her fellow Jedi swung an arm around her shoulders. "We're going to have to change that, you know."

"Should I be afraid?"

"Oh, yes!" Igrayne said in a faux serious tone. "Be _very_ afraid."

The two women burst into laughter once more.

Carina hadn't realized how much she'd missed this, this companionship and laughter. Right now, she felt invincible...as if the prior years of horror and strife had no hold on her any longer, and as though any future pain and suffering couldn't even think to touch her. Here, she felt content and safe. At present, she could simply enjoy the sanctuary that the Jedi Temple and those in it were giving her. There would always be time later for things to go horribly awry, and Carina figured that they would. That wasn't her pessimistic nature talking either; it was just what she'd learned through experience. All good things came to an end...It was a fact of life.

She sobered more quickly than Igrayne. "On a more serious note, how have you been doing...with everything, I mean?"

Despite the inordinate amount of time that they'd been spending together, neither had yet really broached the subject of Bao-Dur's death as of yet. Oh, they'd exchanged the typical "how are yous" but hadn't really gone beyond that. Carina couldn't help but feel as though Igrayne might need to talk to it, get it off her chest. In fact, a trip to New Holstice's Jedi memorial might do the woman some good...as it had done Carina. However, since the subject was still very delicate, she wasn't about to push it.

Igrayne took a little longer to answer this question; it didn't seem like she wanted to answer it at all. "Fine."

Carina looked at her with an appraising gaze. Oh, how she wanted to say something to the woman...offer some sort of comfort. But the comfort Igrayne needed could only come from making peace with herself and with acceptance of Bao-Dur's death; Carina knew that for a fact, having been in a similar place in her life just recently. Her heart went out to her friend, it certainly did. She only wished she could do more than she was able to.

"How's the training going with Master Norde?" she asked, brushing past the tentative topic of feelings onto safer ground.

"Fine," Igrayne repeated.

"Just fine?"

"He is a good Jedi Master, I am thankful to be his student."

"But...?"

A long paused permeated the air as Igrayne drew Carina into one of the more isolated windowed alcoves to speak with her.

"What's going on, Igrayne?"

The other woman looked absolutely tortured, her earlier happy facade having disappeared. "I'm having...doubts."

"That's natural—"

"They made me give them Bao's lightsaber, Carina."

"Oh."

She sighed. "I just...I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know if returning to the Jedi was the right thing to do; the other Masters don't like me very much."

Carina cracked an ironic smile at that. "Been there, done that."

Igrayne looked at her, a sad smile flitting across her lips before disappearing. "I know. Still...I feel lost and alone. I don't know where I belong anymore."

Gripping both of the woman's shoulders, Carina forced her to look at her. "Igrayne, listen to me. I understand exactly what you're going through, but trust me when I say that it'd be a mistake if you left. The Jedi are as much a part of you as they are of me; you can't just stop being one...even when things are looking their most dire."

Her friend remained silent, regarding her with a gaze that made Carina's heart ache. She recognized it all too well.

"Like a wise Jedi once told me: sometimes, we have to make sacrifices to maintain our beliefs...but they're worth it," Carina said, using the same words that Igrayne had given her back before their battle on Eklipse's ship. She smiled. "Trust me."

Igrayne blinked back tears, looking down. When she spoke, her voice was just a whisper. "I miss him."

Carina pulled her hurting friend into a close embrace, willing all the pain away from her. "I know. But he wouldn't have wanted you to give up on the Jedi."

"How do you know that?"

_No going back now,_ Carina thought. "Because he told me."

There were both pros and cons to being so connected to the Force. It was through her intense relationship with the Force that Bao-Dur had been able to visit her—well, visit is probably not the most appropriate word. When she'd been sleeping on the way back from New Holstice, he'd come to her in a dream to speak with her about Igrayne. For some reason, he was unable to appear to her as a Force apparition himself and so was using Carina as a sort of conduit to deliver his message. This was both disturbing and comforting; Carina was glad that the Zabrak had found peace in the afterlife but it was unnerving to see him again so clearly in her dreams. What he told her hadn't made sense at the time...but now she understood perfectly. Especially the part about waiting for the appropriate moment. She could only assume that moment was now.

"What?" Igrayne looked at her with unbelieving eyes, pulling away from the embrace.

"Back on New Holstice...Bao spoke to me."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her tone was sharp, borderline angry.

"I was told to wait for the right time..."

Her tone softened along with her expression. "What did he tell you?"

Carina took a breath. "He said that there'd come a time when you would begin having doubts about your path, and about the Jedi. But that you should persevere because being a Jedi was the right thing to do, right for you. I'm sorry, that's all he told me. I probably should have told you sooner..."

Igrayne just hugged Carina in response. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you."

----------------------------------

As fate would have it, Carina's mission ended up taking her to the familiar planet of Telos, the Citadel Station even more specifically. Accompanied by Master Dorak, their mission had been simple: help the TSF restore order. Apparently, there'd been a significant rise in crime over the past few months and the TSF was beginning to be overwhelmed by it and unable to do much. So, as all planetary governments did when the going got too tough, they called in the Jedi.

There could be no denying Carina's excitement to be finally given a task more thrilling than cleaning the Jedi latrines or studying some ancient holocrons. Slowly but surely, she was earning the Jedi's trust once more, forming that foundation that had long since been cracked by her own mistakes. Though it had been close to shattered, rebuilding it was coming more naturally than she had anticipated. Proving her loyalty to the Jedi was one of the most important goals that she had at present; it would take much struggle and evidence to prove that she was back for good...that this was where she belonged. But it'd be worth it in the end. She just had to keep reminding herself of that fact.

She was happy to be assigned to Master Dorak, the former Chronicler of the Jedi Enclave on Dantooine. His knowledge and wisdom was vast and there was little the old man did not know. His intellect was sharp, though one wouldn't guess by his wizened appearance. He reminded Carina a bit of an overripe raisin...but she'd never have told him that to his face. Though Dorak's main strength lay with diplomacy and the Force, he was a decent swordsman, too, as she'd witnessed on their mission. Regardless of whether it was his strengths or weaknesses that she was observing, Carina was able to learn much from both. A lot was revealed about herself to the Master as well during the duration of their time on Telos.

Thanks to Carina's ability to manipulate the Force and Dorak's diplomatic prowess, they managed to quell any rebellious criminal activity on Citadel Station far more quickly than had been expected. With that finished, they were set to head back to Coruscant to report to the Jedi Council for the debriefing and then possible reassignment. Carina was eager as ever for another mission, but something more pressing weighed on her mind while she was stationed on the Citadel.

Rani.

Her best friend whom she had not seen since they'd all parted ways was currently on station. Carina had had to beg Dorak to allow her to visit her friend but eventually the man gave in, seeing no harm in the visit. Inquiring around, the Jedi eventually found out where Rani was staying with Admiral Carth Onasi. She was literally brimming with energy as she headed up to the apartment door and rang the buzzer, alerting them to the presence of someone. She hoped Rani would be happy to see her, and that she wasn't interrupting anything.

When the door slid open to reveal the beautiful darker-skinned woman, Carina couldn't help but smile...especially at the complete shock on the older woman's face.

"Carina?" Rani breathed. "Stars, is that you?"

Carina gave a little bow. "In the flesh."

Rani didn't hesitate in embracing her friend. Carina returned the loving hug. The two women were as close as sisters, if not moreso considering all that they'd gone through.

Pulling back, Rani gave her the once over.

"Look at you!" she cried.

"Look at you!" returned Carina, beaming.

"A Jedi, huh?"

"Well, y'know," Carina drawled. "They finally got some robes in my color and..."

Rani laughed. "You look..._great_. Really, Carina."

She smiled at her friend. "So do you. And I hear you've been heading up a restoration program with the Ithorians. That's taking the initiative if ever I saw it."

The woman gave a light chuckle before taking one of her arms. "Come inside and I can tell you all about it."

A few minutes later, they were both seated comfortably in Rani's living room, two cups of caffa and some pastries set out before them. Rani was ever the hospitable host, despite Carina wishing that she wouldn't make such a big deal about her presence. Fortunately, she hadn't been interrupting anything as Rani was just getting ready to do some dreaded paperwork that she was more than happy to put off. The two women had fallen back into their companionable routine, as if the last few years of trouble had never ever happened.

"So, how are you and Carth doing?" Carina inquired, munching on one of the cream-filled pastries. The Jedi definitely weren't big on guilty pleasures like pastries back home.

If Carina had thought it impossible for Rani's smile to grow any bigger, she had been wrong. Among mention of Carth, her face flushed with the radiant glow of love. Carina envied her friend and the love she shared with Admiral Onasi; they were perfect for one another, truly. Soul mates in every sense.

"_Wonderful_," Rani replied, the word vehement with emotion. "It's just like this incredible dream I keep expecting to wake up from."

"I'm so happy to hear that, Rani." And Carina meant it, too. If anyone deserved to be happy, it was Rani.

"Oh!" she cried suddenly, the proverbial light bulb going on for her. "That reminds me..."

The Jedi watched as Rani disappeared into the next room and then waited for a few moments while the other woman did Force only knows what. A minute or so later, she reappeared with an envelope. On the front was scrawled the name _Carina_ in an elegant script. Carina was immediately suspicious.

"What is this?"

"Open and read it," Rani encouraged, smiling.

"It's not going to bite me, is it?" Carina teased, looking concerned even as she opened it.

"Oh, just read it, you."

Doing as she was told, Carina withdrew the handwritten note inside and began to read. The more she read, the more tears sprang to her eyes before soon she couldn't ready anything as it was all far too blurry.

"You're getting married," she said to her friend.

Rani smiled that knowing smile of hers. "Yes."

Carina had remembered their sudden, spur-of-the-moment engagement, but hadn't thought about the actual wedding in some time. In all honesty, she figured that they would have gotten married immediately upon returning. That they had waited this long surprised her...but it was a good surprise, to be sure.

"And you're invited, naturally," Rani continued on amicably.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world, Rani!"

"That's good, because I'm going to need my maid of honor, you know."

Carina blinked. "You mean...you want me to be your maid of honor?!"

Rani laughed. "Don't act so surprised. Of course, you're my best friend! Who else would I have asked?"

"Maids of Honor-R-Us?"

"Don't be silly!" Rani quipped, even as she laughed some more. The sound was light, airy, as if the woman had not a care in the world.

Carina's expression turned more serious, though her smile remained. "I'd love to be your maid of honor, Rani. In fact, at the risk of sounding cliché, it'd be an honor!"

Now that the tears had dried, she read the rest of the invitation, noticing the date for the first time.

"Wow! So soon? I mean, not to say that you two lovebirds haven't waited long enough..."

"Well, I would have sent it to you sooner except I wasn't entirely sure where to send it," Rani said, blushing.

Carina grinned. "Yeah, Jedi don't typically receive much mail."

"Speaking of the Jedi," said her friend. "Are you still keeping in touch with Igrayne?"

The Jedi gave a nod.

"I have an invitation for her, too, somewhere here. Hold on, let me go get it." And then she disappeared once more to fetch the invitation...though it took her less time to retrieve it this time. "If you could deliver this to Igrayne, I'd be in your debt."

"I'd be more than happy to, Rani," she replied, sincere. Igrayne would be ecstatic to hear about the wedding just as Carina had been. "Just curious, who else is going?"

There was a twinkle in Rani's eyes. "Well, now that you mention it...I've invited Evy, Atton, Han, Indy, Tren, and Bastila as well. Not to mention all of Carth's invitees. You'd be astonished to see how many people he knows, especially from back in the 'glory days' as he calls them. Oh, and Dustil will also be there as Carth's Best Man, of course."

"Of course." Carina smiled politely, having noticed a name left off of that list.

"Anyone I'm forgetting?" she asked, feigning innocence as if she was generally asking if she was forgetting someone.

Carina didn't take the bait. "None that I can think of."

Rani huffed. "You are so stubborn, you know that?"

"What?"

"I've invited Mical, as well," she said. "That isn't going to be a problem, is it?"

Her heart leapt at the mention, an instinctive reaction and one that both excited and frightened her. It seemed that despite all the time that she'd spent away, how she felt about him had not diminished in the least. She briefly wondered if it was like that for him, too, but dismissed the thought almost instantaneously. She was a Jedi now, that was her life. He had been a large part of her past...but she wasn't sure if he could be a part of her present this time around.

"No," she said quietly.

"Good," beamed Rani. "Because I told him that you'd need a date."

"You _what_?!" Carina gaped.

"Oh, calm down, Carina," she told her. "It took a little convincing but, in the end, he was more than happy to oblige. What do you think of that?"

"I don't know. I'm too busy trying to decide whether I want to hit you or hug you," Carina answered, the words followed by an impish grin.

"You know this will be the perfect opportunity to start mending your relationship," Rani pointed out. "If that's what you want to do."

"Would you believe me if I said I didn't know what I wanted?"

Rani smiled kindly. "You'll figure everything out eventually, Carina. But no pain, no gain."

She bowed her head, nodding. "Yeah. I guess you're right."

"Of course I am!" The older woman grinned. "But I'm sure you have more important Jedi matters so I won't keep you any longer."

Carina stood as did Rani. She was right, it was time for Carina to return to Dorak and then back to the Jedi...back to the _real_ world. The sisters embraced once more, before Carina had to leave.

However, a thought struck Carina as she remembered the Jedi and Igrayne, in particular.

"You mentioned Dustil's going to be there, right?" Carina asked.

"Yes. Why?"

"He needs a date, right?"

Rani's lips spread into an understanding grin. "...yes."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Do you think Igrayne would go for it?"

"Probably not...but we'll just not give her any choice in the matter." Carina laughed. If she was going to have to face her demons in Mical, then Igrayne should have to do the same with Dustil.

Rani gave a nod. "I'll run the idea by Dustil."

"Sounds like a plan."

"A plan," agreed Rani. "Goodbye, Carina."

Carina gave her friend one last hug. "Bye, Rani."

------------------------------

_Well,_ thought Carina as she boarded the shuttle that would take her back to Coruscant. _Back to the old grind._

But, even as she thought that, she knew it couldn't be farther from the truth. Though she was returning the Jedi life she'd once known, it would be far different this time around. And with the knowledge that she would soon be facing Mical once more, she knew that she needed to seriously reanalyze her position in life and on love. However, that could all wait until she got back to the Temple.

Right now, she was going to kick back and catch up on some long overdue sleep. The worries of the Galaxy could wait until she woke up.


End file.
